Finding Family

As I step off the train, I take in the smells of the ocean, the sounds of the waves splashing against the rocks, and the view of the shoreline. Even before I think about it, my heart starts pounding. Every part of my body tenses, but I keep walking. I feel Cupcake, my seven year old Yorkie in my arms, and I try to focus on what Dr. Cienne told me. Focus on your breath. My Aunt Stella is here somewhere, but all I can hear is the train, and all I can see is people. I can’t do this. Before I know what’s happening, before I can take a breath, I’m running. I’m almost back on the train, almost safe from it all. Just one more step. . . Suddenly, an arm grabs me,and I whip around to see my Aunt Stella, smiling down on me. “May,” she says in her light, caring voice. “How are you?”. “Come on in baby, you can sleep in the room your mother used to stay in.” As I dump my bag on the creaky old bed, I fidget with the ring on my finger. My parents gave me that ring for my eleventh birthday, and I only take it off to swim, not that I do that much anymore. I can barely shower without thinking about that day, let alone swim in an actual pool. I drop Cupcake’s bed down next to mine, and she flops into it right away, making herself at home. I sigh, and sit down next to her, stroking her long fur. Cupcake might be settling right in, but I just can’t. I can’t settle back into a normal life, a boring, normal life, and forget. I can’t forget it, even if I wanted to. Before I can think, I’m there: The waves splash against the boat, and I smile. I balance my shoe on the deck, and step in, soaking up the sun. Cupcake circles my feet, and gives my knee a big lick. I pick her up and plop her in my lap. “Ready to go kiddo?” My Dad asks, grinning as he steps into the boat. My Mom follows, and takes the last empty seat. Her hair blows in the wind, and she leans for a hug. I squeeze her hands in mine, then clip on my life jacket. Before I know it, we’re speeding away from shore. It was just a normal day. . . until it wasn’t. “May! Come downstairs for dinner!” Stella calls, breaking my train of thought. I take a deep breath, and head down the stairs, Cupcake at my heels. I do drink water. Sometimes. Dr. Cienne tells me to drink more, but I just can’t. Water is the most powerful thing in the world. It can kill you in the blink of an eye, but you need it to survive. Now I’m sitting awkwardly at the table, a glass of water in front of me. Aunt Stella doesn’t push me to drink it, but she looks like she wants me to. To break the silence, she suddenly exclaims “Dinner’s ready! Do you like spaghetti?” “Definitely!” I reply, but I can barely hear myself talking. I’m fidgeting with my ring again, trying to relax. As me and Aunt Stella slurp up our spaghetti, she tells me about my school. “So,” she says lightly, “You can start school on Monday, if you want. You don’t have to, you can take your time. You can start next week, or not at all. I could put you in the private school in the west end?”. Somehow, in all my worrying, countless hours thinking about moving back, I honestly never thought about school. But… I miss school. I haven’t been since last year. I tried for a few weeks after that day, but I couldn’t do it. I have friends here, but it’s been so long, we really have nothing in common anymore. But . . . I need to go, I decide. This stupid fear has plagued my life for too long. Only as I lay in bed that night, I start to think. Oh god. A shiver runs down my spine. I’m going to school. The next day, I wake up, put on my favourite fuzzy sweater, and head downstairs. On the table is a bowl of cereal, a five dollar bill, and a pastel purple backpack. “Morning!” Aunt Stella calls from the kitchen, where she’s busy making herself a coffee. “Five dollars should be enough for the cafeteria. I put some pencils and paper in your bag, butI can take you shopping later if you need more, although that should be enough.” Aunt Stella’s brow suddenly crinkles, and she adds “Are you sure about this, Mayz? You don’t have to go.” “No,” I say, trying to sound like I mean it, “I need to do this”. As Aunt Stella’s BMW pulls up to the school, I feel my rock solid core start to falter. What am I doing? But then I think of Cupcake, and I take a breath. Slowly, so slowly, I force myself out of the car, Aunt Stella next to me, holding my hand. The receptionist at the office gives me my schedule, and my homeroom. She tells me the bell will ring soon, so I should start heading down to my homeroom. I say goodbye to Aunt Stella and quickly consult my schedule. Evans, May Term 1 9:00/9:10-Homeroom Room 17 9:10/10:00-Science 10:00/10:50-Language 10:50/11:10-Snack 11:10/12:00-Math 12:00/12:50-Art 12:50/1:50-Lunch 1:50/2:40-Music 2:40/3:30-Gym I scan the numbers on classroom doors. 14. . .15. . .16. . .17. Here it is. As I walk in, I find that the class is about half full, with about fifteen students sitting in desks. I sit down, and finish organising my bag. By the time I’m done, our teacher, a fifty-ish man who introduced himself as Mr. Stevies, has started taking attendance. Before I know it, the bell rings for my first class, science. Our science teacher, a younger woman with brown hair to her shoulders, and a forest green blouse, introduces herself as Miss Sylvestor, and wastes no time getting to work. “Alright, class” Miss Sylvestor calls, addressing the group, “We have a new student joining us today. Everyone, this is May. Please try your best to make her feel welcome. Because we have a new student, today we’ll address the basics. Now, the basic elements of the water cycle are” . . . The water cycle. Oh no. I’m trying to focus, but I can’t hear a word Miss Sylvestor is saying. “And the water turns to steam and evaporates”. . . I can’t breathe. I’m choking on my own breath, trying to focus on something, anything. “ . . . then it rains into the lakes and rivers - May! I know this is your first day, but please pay attention.” She’s still talking, but I can’t hear a word. I drag my body towards the door, and somehow get words out of my throat. “I’m, I’m sick. I, I, I need to go.” Everything’s a blur. Running to the office, telling the receptionist I had to go home. A few minutes later, Aunt Stella picked me up, her keys jangling in her hand, a worried look on her face. Now, I’m sitting in her car, trying not to run away. “I can’t” I choke up, tears welling in my eyes. “I can’t come back here. I need to go back to foster care, or, or-” I can’t keep talking, tears now rolling down my cheeks shamelessly. “Baby, that’s okay. You don’t have to. But I want you to remember, your family, your home, is right here.” She taps my chest, and I fall into her arms. She strokes my hair, and slowly continues “It’s not about where you are, baby. It’s about your friends. Your family. The people who care about you. You don’t have to stay, but I want you to know that I do care about you. So much.” She holds me even closer, and I realise I don’t want to go anywhere. Not right now, at least. The End (Maybe) A house is made of bricks and beams, but a home is made of hopes and dreams. -Anonymous My name is Lily, and to me, home isn’t about where you are, or how much you have, but who you’re with, and the memories you share. I believe that everyone deserves somewhere like that. Somewhere that you can be yourself, with people you love.